When Darren gets home at night from work he showers and then lays down in bed. It takes him a whole 3 minutes to pass out asleep. What the frick is he doing right?! Why are men able to just sit down and detach within minutes?! Most nights it takes my brain 45+ minutes to circulate my thoughts and fall asleep.
Here is a typical nightly thought cycle for me once my head hits the pillow:
Did you remember to move the laundry from the washer to the dryer? You didn't? Oh S*HT...everything is going to smell. Did you remember to feed the cats? They will be pushing those damn bell balls all over the house all night if you didn't feed them. Who's idea was to take out the carpet, the wood floors are sooo flippin loud! Maybe you should get up and check. While your up why don't you put away Lilly's toys she left out. Wait, you should try to sleep. Nah, get up. CRAP we're still out of Greek yogurt, Lilly asked for yogurt for breakfast. Don't forget to go to Trader Joe's tomorrow. I should really re-paint this room, I bought the paint and it's just sitting in the dining room, CRAP I have to pee now, if I would have fallen asleep 10 minutes ago I wouldn't have the urge to pee, why did I drink all that water? Darn it self be quiet and go to sleep.
Closes eyes and tries to clear mind...
Jingle jingle...damn it the cats, I have to get up. Maybe I'll do the dishes in the sink before bed so I don't have to do it in the morning. Dang now I'm thirsty. You know, you should really paint this room.
Mind you, this thought process isn't limited to bed time. I literally wake up at two and three am and do the same thing. I wonder what type of things Darren's brain thinks about before bed. Why doesn't he think about the laundry or washing his car or the cable bill? Why does he get to sleep?! I hate it and I'm jealous. Very Jealous. Sometimes I stare at him and envision myself jumping on the bed to wake him up but I cant because he's so cute!
(Disclaimer: photo above is not Darren)
Try meditation, you say. Look, meditation doesn't work for me smarty. I've tried it. I just end up thinking about the same crap and then some hair crawls up my back and I have an itch. Then I start envision creepy night bugs crawling on me and I'm itchy all over. Then back to "I need to clean out my car tomorrow" or "I wonder if there really are aliens."
How about calming techniques? Nope. When I finally imagine my body feeling heavy and relaxed that's usually about the time Lilly kicks me in the boob with her left foot during one of her night time acrobatic routines. Lets face it, I'm cursed.
All of us women are cursed and if you're a mom, your double cursed. Sorry ladies...